RESTAURANT TAKEOVER

Deadly Dining

by Judy Keech

How many times have you wished you could melt into the floorboards and disappear as the server approaches your table with that look of apprehension, horror really, because your child has just reenacted a familiar scene from THE EXORCIST in public, ranting, writhing, and spewing applesauce and french fries across the table and onto a nearby diner? Often playing the role of the “nearby diner” in more recent years I understand how frustrating the simple act of eating out with adolescent children, (and even teens!) can be. Well, to borrow a Biblical cliche, do not fear, and be of good courage. There is a solution! And it’s not that difficult…

The key lies in these simple fixes, these “at home remedies”, these little adjustments that need to be applied like preventative medicine. Please realize I do not offer these fixes as the “nearby diner”, but rather as the tried-n-true principles my hubby and I applied as the I-will-never-again-be-mortified-by-my-children-at-a-restaurant parents. Are you ready? Here goes….

start at home:

 If you wait until you are AT a restaurant to begin training your child in restaurant behavior YOU ARE TOO LATE! It may seem archaic to some of you Generation Y and X-ers, but if you are neglecting family meals around the table in your home, well, you deserve that screaming kid sitting in your booth at TGI Friday’s. And if you ARE having family meals at home around your dinner table, but are not imposing on your children rules of etiquette and good manners, why would you expect better behavior from them in public? You are the trainer. If you aren’t training they are not trained.

be consistent:

Consistency is important. Establish the ground rules early on (say grace, no elbows on the table, chew with your mouth closed, say please and thank you, pass the food to your brother/sister, laugh, share, enjoy, ask to be excused from the table), and stick to them. Children need guardrails. They need to know the parameters. My husband, by nature, is more of a disciplinarian than I am.  I wanted to be all loosy-goosy with the ground rules, but he was adamant. Our children would understand and be clear about the black & white of it…no gray area when it came to teaching them the basics of behavior. Thankfully, I followed him and honored his system of discipline, even though sometimes I cried myself to sleep over it. I can honestly attest to the fact that our children blossomed under the wisdom of this consistency. We were a united front…not against them, but FOR them. They weren’t perfect kids, neither were we perfect parents, but by golly, my kids knew how to behave in a restaurant! Mostly.   

don’t excuse bad behavior:

Junior refuses to eat his macaroni. Junior is dissatisfied with his order. Junior throws his plate, his crayons, his sippy-cup, and your napkin on the floor. Junior screams, cries, whines, screams again, spits at Mommy and the waiter, refusing to be consoled.  Mommy looks at the waiter and nearby guests and says, “I’m sorry…He’s just tired. He missed his nap today.” 

I don’t mean to step on your toes, but this equates to lazy parenting. Junior is not “just tired”! Junior is out-of-control and needs an intervention. A parental intervention. Junior needs discipline. Or when Junior grows into adulthood he will excuse his own inability to co-exist in the work force as just an excuse to take a nap. Do us all a favor, discipline your child’s bad behavior. Teach him self-control, patience, long-suffering, politeness, obedience, temperance, kindness. All attributes that will give him great success in life. Do Junior that favor. As an adult, he will thank you, and so will we.

leave a big tip:

Let’s face it. Little kids are messy. They will always be messy. They are demanding. They require extra steps be taken. They require many drink refills. Every time you dine out with your children the wait staff will have extra work. Lots of extra work. Mostly, they hate you. They hate your kids. Mostly they are not parents themselves. BUT…large monetary bonuses bring great favor to families with small children. If that isn’t a Proverb it should be. The book of Juju 25:28% + a very nice review on Yelp. (Yes, I was once part of a wait staff, and yes, I hated waiting on your table…thank you for the large tips and great reviews!) 

closing arguments:

I pray these tips have helped you and that I will benefit from having shared them next time I visit TGI Friday’s and I am dining next to your table. A few preventative measures applied, your kids will totally rock at table-side manners and WOW you as their parent. There is no better time to start than now. I promise it is possible to have an extremely pleasant dining-out experience, Junior and all, and you are empowered to make it happen. 

Waiter, Junior needs another refill, stat!