5 EASY ADJUSTMENTS TO UPDATE YOUR PARENTING STYLE
Every parent wants to believe they are the best parent they can be. It’s no mystery that often times that means we set ourselves on a course toward a parenting style that is the OPPOSITE of the way we ourselves were parented, and often accompanied with the vow that, “I refuse to be like my mother!” or “I will NEVER be like my father!” When in fact, our parenting styles should NOT be patterned after Mom or Dad, nor patterned to be the opposite of Mom or Dad, and our parenting styles should definitely NOT be patterned after current social trends or peer pressure fads, i.e. “you aren’t a good parent if you aren't making your own organic baby food,” or “if your child is not on the waiting list for a certain academy by the age of 6 months…” Social Media does not a good parent make!
God makes good parents.
After all, it is He who gifted you with your child in first place....
And He knew we would likely be pressured to screw it up so He has very generously outlined the main principles in THE BIBLE, just for us! And not only that, He knew we might not actually study the Bible for ourselves for parenting principles, so he gave us a special intuitive, nurturing gene, a sixth sense, a knowing in our knower, to raise our children to be the best possible versions of themselves. Not only that, He also gave us The Holy Spirit, who knows our kids and their needs better than we do! (I suggest you get close to Him if you aren’t already…He’s the best kept successful-parenting secret!)
We just have to let go of all the other stuff we’ve tried to add to pure parenting, or adjustments we’ve made in an attempt to avoid becoming like our own parents, and get back to the basic truths and principles God established for us in the first place.
Even Jesus had a Mama.
Maybe you are a parent that hasn’t got a clue, or maybe you are someone who’s got it all figured out. Either way, take a look at these 5 things that will certainly give you a greater success rate as a parent. Apply these adjustments as needed and you will establish the platform for your child to become all that he/she is meant to be, your lineage, with a rich heritage.
5 ADJUSTMENTS…
BE THE PARENT. You are not your child’s friend. You are not your child’s entertainer. You are not your child’s nanny. You are the PARENT.
Parent: origin |ˈôrəjən|
noun—“the point or place where something begins, arises, or is derived”
Let’s just take it from there. You, the parent, are the one from whom your child BEGINS, from whom your child ARISES, from whom your child is DERIVED.
Even the very origin of this word speaks to the importance of establishing the platform from which your child thrives.
My husband and I have told our kids we want them to stand on our shoulders, to take what we’ve imparted into them to the next level, and be the shoulders upon which their kids can stand…and on, and on, for many generations. If we are constantly stooping to be our child’s friend, we fail to help them rise to the occasion.
PARENT (def.) - “He or she that produces young. The duties of parents to their children are to maintain, protect, and educate them.” - Noah Webster, 1828 dictionary.
2. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. Chances are your first inclinations are right. If something inside keeps telling you there is a problem with your child, you are probably right. Do not ignore that inclination. Get to the source of the problem. We miss the mark when we ignore the intuition God gave us and pay more attention to what might be socially acceptable. You are your child’s guardian. God certainly knows that so who will He first inform if something isn’t quite right? I believe it is important to note here that intuition is different from fear. Often times we allow ourselves as parents to be governed by fear. Learn how to tell the difference between fear and intuition. Fear has torment (1 John 4:18) but intuition is the God-given ability to understand something immediately, “…without the need for conscious reasoning” - so says Webster’s Dictionary. Intuition will result in a solution. Fear will result in anxiety, leading to a cycle of more fear, surrounded by despair.
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
3. DETERMINE TO DISCIPLINE. There, I said it. DISCIPLINE. Contrary to popular belief, it isn’t a dirty word. It isn’t violence. It isn’t a crushing blow to your child’s self-esteem. It isn’t unreasonable. It isn’t done in anger. But it IS a powerful picture of LOVE. Proverbs 13:24 actually says, “He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” Now don’t be angry with me…I didn’t write that. That’s the Bible. The Word of God. It is a life principle God set up for us God-people to raise amazing little God-people who grow up and do great things and become great God-people, and so on and so on. DISCIPLINE. Not Man’s way, but God’s way—More on that later in another blog to come. I feel it is important to make my position here very clear…I am not advocating child abuse, or beatings, or unsubstantiated undue strictness. There is very much a right way and a wrong way to discipline your child. But let me be just as clear about this; it truly saddens my heart every time I see a missed opportunity for a parent to lovingly exercise the ‘Discipline-Principle’. Every missed opportunity formulates in the mind of a child a false sense of entitlement, an annulment of an authority figure, leading to unpreparedness for life in this world, and ultimately (here’s the most heart breaking) resulting in lack of character. My Mama used to say, “this is harder for me than it is for you.” And she was right. Discipline is hard work for a parent. But the pay-off is oh so great!
For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.
4. STOP LETTING GUILT REIGN. One of the hardest situations for today’s families is the all-too-common struggle of both parents working. Double the income. Double the guilt. Guilt that you only see your child for a few short hours each day, before bedtime and before school or day-care. Guilt that “I should be the one raising this child, but they spend more time at school than with me.” That kind of guilt stings. I know from experience. It used to burn me. But, I finally learned a valuable lesson, had a powerful revelation—ok, it took me many years to learn this, but you can grasp it NOW and not have to spend the years in agony trying to ‘get it’. Are you ready? Here it is…It is no surprise to God that you have to work. He isn’t scrambling for parenting plan B because you and your spouse are sharing the financial load. He knew this would be your situation and if you know anything about God, know that He has already made the provision of GRACE for your family to thrive through this. Notice I said ‘THRIVE’ and not survive. But if we are letting GUILT reign, often evident in our lack of ‘Being the Parent’ and ‘Determining to Discipline’, we negate that wonderful grace that God provided to see us through. To come out the other end as though you were a stay at home mom the whole time. The actual truth of the matter is GRACE exists because we are GUILTY. We have a choice, to live in grace, or to live in guilt. One or the other will reign. Which do you choose? Your child needs you to choose grace. I have been completely amazed at the seasons our family has weathered through the grace of God. Supernaturally our kids came out unscathed! They don’t carry the gaping wounds they would if we had chosen to parent with guilt. Who knew?! The grace of God was just as present for them as it was for us. We only had to pull back the veil of our guilt and reveal it to them, assuring them God was in control and through Christ we can do all things! Wow! Grace has power! Give guilt the boot. Choose grace.
Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established.
5. ALWAYS SEEK WISE COUNSEL. Why is it in America young couples feel they aren’t really valid or taken seriously if they don’t make their own decisions—void of any counsel or input? Is it a spirit of Independence that so plagues us? Is it that we feel we owe it to ourselves to “be our own person”, or “I can do this on my own” mentality? What?! Can I just say Phewy! Whose idea was that? Whoever thought they were better as an island? Really? I may have bought in to this same erroneous thinking, were it not for my wise and younger-than-me husband, now of nearly 35 years. I can’t really say where all my husband’s wisdom came from (praying parents???) but somehow, in the grand scheme of God, he managed to get hold of this principle and, by golly, he has made certain we have stuck to it…all the days of our lives…Praise be to God! The “Seek Counsel Principle” has been an anchor to our lives and our children’s lives for as long as we have been together as a family. Let me clarify. I am not talking about someone else telling you what to do or where to go or how to live. But I am talking about seeking God for His direction, and then seeking input from those you trust (pastors, close friends, parents, leaders) for confirmation about what you feel God has spoken to you. This is a given for every major decision of your life, i.e. moving to a new city, job change, church change, ministry callings, etc. But it SHOULD be a given for marital issues, difficult parenting issues, relationship issues, etc. Do you get my drift? “Without counsel, plans go awry…” What else do you need to know! Again, I didn’t write that. It’s the Word of God. If things are going ‘awry’ for you, perhaps it is your wake-up call. Seek Counsel. Seek Counsel Now. NOW! It is an anchor God set in place. It is an anchor for your children. How nice it has been in my life to say to my uncertain kids, “…but God said…” They will all tell you today that gave them peace in unsettled times. That was an anchor. That was a light, a security. Because, after all, God is in control. He knows best and it is His good pleasure to confirm His will for us through a multitude of counselors.
You can be a better parent overnight. Change what you are doing and do things God’s way. Explain your changes to your children. We often did this. You will be amazed how much respect and honor you will gain by shifting your parenting to a God paradigm. You can do this! You can do this successfully! You will have amazingly successful kids. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!
No comments:
Post a Comment