By Staci Pace
If you are in my generation, you now have a terribly
annoying and very catchy tune playing through your head over and over again. (You’re
welcome!) When
this Salt N’ Pepa (yes, that was really the name of the group) song was
popular, everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE in my Junior High was singing it in
the hallways, before class, at the lunch tables, on the buses, out at recess,
ALL THE TIME. The only way that I knew any of the song was hearing it from my
classmates because, at the time, secular music was forbidden in my home. I was
constantly terrified that I may accidentally sing out loud at home what ran
through my mind incessantly most days after school. Now that I think about it,
I’m pretty sure that I should consider myself incredibly lucky to have missed
most of the horrendous pop tunes of the 90s that some people still call music. Not to say that the “contemporary Christian”
music was any better! But, to the point…
The single most bothersome thing in my mind these days that
keeps me awake night after night is how in this sex-driven society will I ever
be able to convey to my children the importance of sexual purity?? While my
generation certainly had its issues relating to sex, it was still nothing
compared to today’s cultural acceptance of nearly anything sexual. You can’t
even watch a “family” show these days without the suggestion that sex before
marriage is a completely normal, acceptable, and even encouraged activity. Even
the Super Bowl half-time shows aren’t safe for young minds. Even though everyone was (mostly) clothed
this year, I still had to shoo my kids from the room while Bruno Mars sang,
“Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise…” And, I just can’t help but think
there is something terribly wrong with the idea of a boy taking a girl out for
a romantic dinner only to give her a key to his apartment before ever a ring is
mentioned.
1 in 4 kids will have had sex by 16. And over 65% before age 20.
To some I will seem seriously antiquated in my thinking on
the subject, but I will stand my ground. Why? Because I believe that sex is a
beautiful thing that is meant specifically for two people who are in covenant
with each other. Now that is a foreign
word to most of the world. What is covenant? The dictionary defines it as a
contract between two parties. But it is OH SO MUCH MORE than that! It is a
commitment to accept and love one another beyond the reaches of pleasure or
happiness. It is a solemn promise to choose to love and care for one another
every day. It is an oath made to each other in the presence of God, who, by the
way, is the only one who can make the covenant possible. I also believe that there are blessings
awaiting those who follow the pathways of the Lord: Blessings that are often
missed simply by ignorance of them. I want for my children to experience these
secret pathways of the kingdom that lead to a more fulfilling and prosperous
life. And in the process of teaching my children these principles, I hope that
perhaps others might join me and together we might change the culture.
2 out of 3 college students have been in a “friends with benefits” relationship.
Society has chosen to ignore the harsh realities
brought on by abandoning the Biblical principles of sex, love and marriage. The
church hammered in that God is love, while the world hammered in that love is
sex. The byproduct is that now most of the world’s god is sex. Now that sex has
become the thing to feed our souls, we have a surplus of unwanted, unplanned,
and often times aborted children. And then, we spent so much time trying to
identify with children of single parents, attempting to convince them they
aren’t missing out on anything, that we now have a generation of people who
think, erroneously, that a mother AND father are not a necessary part of child
rearing. Pornography has become so commonplace in our hunger for pleasure and
fulfillment that even the majority of young Christians today think that viewing
pornography is a totally acceptable way to express one’s sexuality. Are you aware that there is an extensive,widespread human trafficking sex trade?
Our country is far from immune from this terrifying reality. It's possible that
you may even have encountered someone trapped in this form of slavery and not
even know it. And
despite attempts to cover it up, we have entire generations plagued by the
guilt and shame that accompanies such shallow and superficial sexual
relationships that are now the norm. (There
was a great article in Relevant Magazine that is worth a read: The Non-Physical Sides of Sex.) Meanwhile, the only voice that could
possibly bring about any change in this warped view of love has chosen to
remain mute on the entire subject. SEX and anything having to do with it has
become taboo within the body of Christ. The mere idea of talking about it even at
marriage retreats brings a rush of color to the cheeks of anyone in the room.
Instead of providing honest and realistic strategies to remain under the
covering of God’s authority, we have either judged those who have fallen or
closed our eyes to all of it and pretended that God is not offended at such
sin.
67% of young men and 49% of young women say viewing porn is an acceptable way to express one’s sexuality.
So how can I equip my children to withstand such burning
temptation that surrounds us all every day? How can I teach them that there is
so much more awaiting them if they can hold true to the path of purity? These
are some things that I am praying about and researching, but even now, I
absolutely have some thoughts on the subject.
The United States has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the western industrialized world.
I discovered that there is no Sex Education requirement for
public schools in my area. While some could consider this a good thing, leaving
the total responsibility to the parents, I’m not so sure. Regardless of what education my children receive regarding sex
education, I would be failing as a parent if I did not also address the issue
personally. When I received sex education at school, I learned very clearly
about STDs, STIs and condoms. Thanks to the many awkward questions asked by
fellow classmates, I also had the privilege of learning about oral sex and
various oddities of the human body that I certainly did not want to know about
at the time. Abstinence was of course spoken about by the instructor, but in a
way that made it very clear, even in my young eyes, that she considered it to
be a joke and a completely unreasonable expectation.
25% of Americans are living with an incurable STD.
In today’s world, a virgin is considered a loser
and an outcast; someone who couldn’t possibly be a normal part of society and
it makes me absolutely livid! Anyone that can legitimately claim virginity in
our society should be honored and valued as someone with an immeasurable
strength of character and resolve, not belittled and ridiculed. These heroes
truly deserve to be recognized publicly by our society with college
scholarships and special bragging rights on resumes, because surely these few
outstanding representations of purity could accomplish anything set before
them! Sadly, however, this is not the case at all.
Men today have had an average of 7 sexual partners, women 4.
(According to a survey of men and women age 20 to 59.)
There were many things that I was not taught specifically
about. I can’t put the blame on my
parents for this, because I very specifically remember my sister and I
forbidding them to talk to us about such things. “Mom!! We already know all
about IT!” No one ever really told me that there were sexual acts that,
while not actual sexual intercourse, would still carry the repercussions of
sexual impurity. No one ever really spoke to me about what to do if a boy tried
to put his hand up my shirt. No one really informed me that good “Christian”
boys were still boys and still might ask you to go further than you should. These
are things that I believe NEED to be addressed.
Nearly 1 in 5 women will become a victim of rape.
As parents, I think it is very important that we
are very clear about the expectations we have for our children. My husband and
I want our sons to know that we expect them to honor and respect any girl they
pursue, and that we expect for them to practice abstinence until marriage, and
that we believe wholeheartedly that it is possible to do so. We want our
daughter to know how she should expect a boy to treat her, and how we expect a boy to treat her! We want
her to be aware that we believe in her ability to say no and wait for marriage.
We want to put rules in place in our home to help them achieve these goals, and
we will do our best to enforce them. We also want to be clear about the
consequences, both in our home and outside of it, they will face if these
expectations are not met.
It is estimated that there are 100,000 children in the sex trade in the United States each year.
But, as with any other time that the rules our broken in our
home, our children can expect to be met with grace and love. Unfortunately, the rest of the world is not
governed by these principles, and we won’t always be able to protect them from
that brutal reality. But grace and love does not mean that we will provide
them with what they need to break the rules of the house, i.e. we will not be
handing out condoms or birth control pills. It does mean that they can talk to
my husband and I if they stumble or fall. It does mean that we will be there to
walk them through the consequences that they face. And we will be very clear
about God’s ability to restore and redeem, that Christ died for EVERY sin, and
that NOTHING can separate them from the love of God.
60% of women lose their virginity between the ages of 15 and 18. And half of those do so by 16.
While I think that parents should play a HUGE roll in what a
child knows about sex and all that comes with it, I don’t think that a parent
should be the only one talking to a child about it. I believe that sexual
education should be seriously and candidly spoken about in youth groups in the
safety and security of the church. The unfortunate truth is that most churches
have all but banned the subject, and parents, in an attempt to shelter and
protect their children, are partly to blame. I think that one of the main
reasons teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases are at such high rates
in our country is because the church has remained pretty silent on the subject,
other than some denominations openly accepting and condoning sexual
perversions.
1 in 5 mobile Internet searches are for pornography.
It is time for the church to crack open the Bible on the subject and impart
the REAL truth to our children. It’s time to teach them that God has better
things available to them than what this world offers. It’s time that we are
honest about the truth that God’s love really can be enough for them right now.
It’s time for us to teach them how to pursue a relationship while remaining
pure. It’s time for us to give them real-world strategies on how to honor one
another physically and how to avoid the danger zone in the heat of passion.
It’s time to speak to them about REAL love that goes beyond our feelings. It’s time for us to get beyond our own
comfort zone, and the comfort zones of our children, and broach the subjects
that might turn our stomachs. It’s time for the church to change the culture!
90% of boys and 60% of girls are exposed to pornography before reaching 18 years.
How are you planning
to combat the issues of sex? What are your thoughts about sexual impurity? Do
you have a plan in place for your family? If you have resources on addressing
this subject with your children, I’d love to hear about them!
This article was originally posted at Confessions Of A Water Walker.
