When Your Infant Owns You

“I put my infant on a schedule.” 

How many times have I heard young mothers make this statement.  And my response is usually filled with deep compassion as I chuckle under my breath, “Good luck with that!” So, what’s wrong with a schedule?… you may ask, (please ask or I will be writing this blog just to hear my fingers click against the keys.  

Firstly, let’s look at what SCHEDULE means: To put one’s day to day activities on a time table. Or, arrange or plan an event to take place at a particular time…according to the clock! 
Ladies, our babies were not born with an embedded timer.
And even though we often use the phrase “biological clock” your baby is truly unaware of time.  Nor are they aware of your infatuation with the minute hand. Can I just offer 2 words…Relax, and Routine.

Routine: a sequence of actions regularly followed, a regular procedure for the day to day. Routine equals familiar. Routine equals less stressed out baby, therefore, less stressed out mama. 

"I put my infant on a schedule" vs "our family has a routine". The difference is this: a schedule is  time sensitive, demanding, unforgiving. A routine is "when we do this, this eventually happens". A schedule is insensitive. A routine is comforting, reliable. A schedule owns you. A routine can adjust to multiple scenarios. You may be thinking it's all semantics. I beg to differ. It's a frame of mind.  It's a controlling system vs. a fluctuating system that works.  

Babies are adaptable. Ah-hem…did you hear me?  Babies are adaptable. Well, to qualify, some babies are more adaptable than others, but God gave your baby YOU for a mama for a reason. 
Isn't it interesting...if a mother is breast feeding her body tells her when it's time to feed the baby, even if the baby isn't crying to be fed? ...and the mother instinctively senses when her baby needs a diaper change even if the baby cares less? Contrary to popular belief the clock does not regulate your baby. You regulate your baby. The Parent. The clock does not dominate. You, The Parent, dominate. That's how God designed it. If your baby is dominating YOU things are out of order. If your baby’s schedule is dictating whether or not you can go have a cup of coffee with your girlfriends things are out of order. You will be overwhelmed, or depressed, or exhausted.  And your baby will quickly adapt to being the leader of your family if you allow it. Wow. 

Let me give you an example of a routine we developed for our kids that worked. So much so that my kids used the same routine for their infants, and it works.  When I wanted my baby to take a nap I started the “nap routine”.  This usually consisted of removing some articles of clothing, say  their socks or pants, to make them more comfortable. Then covering them up with a cozy blanket, holding them close and whispering in their ear, “it’s night-night time”. Then I did my best to set an environment for napping, i.e. darken the area if possible, calm the hustle-bustle a bit, etc. Here’s where a soft music or sound bite cuddly toy works wonders. This was the routine whether we were at home or on the go. Sometimes we associated a certain song or prayer with night-night time, and always that special toy or blanky. Routine. Bedtime routine was a bit more elaborate when we were putting them to bed at home, but when we were somewhere else at bedtime, the nap routine worked fine.  

My daughter’s night-night routine for her daughters included changing them into p.j.s, rubbing them down with fragrant baby lotion, swaddling them tight like a burrito, and singing over them a special prayer song, while they fought against her for the first few minutes.  Then, ahhhh set in, and it was snooze-ville all the way. 

When my kids were small I did not have the luxury of a day to day same-o same-o schedule, as is often the case with families in the ministry. My babies had to be on the go, and spontaneous, and they had to be trained to nap anywhere, to be at peace as our lives happened.  Somehow they came to realize I would never forget to feed them, or change their diapers.  Somehow they settled in to our chaos that always contained some kind of routine.  Somehow I managed to raise adaptable children to become adaptable adults with adaptable children of their own.     

So what have you got to lose? Throw the schedule out the window and take the initiative NOW! Set the tone NOW!  Otherwise, your child will grow up with the misconception life will go his way.  Life will bow and adjust to his needs, his wants, his schedule. Your child will be unable to cope with the non-compliant world he has to live in.  And believe me, it is much harder to fix this later, although not impossible. If you are parenting an infant, start now! Don't be hindered by what your in-laws think. Don't heed the advice of those TV personalities that are required to be politically correct but claim to be parenting experts. And DON’T let your infant OWN YOU! Next time someone tells you that your baby needs to be on a schedule, simply reply with a big smile on your face, “We have our routine, and that works just fine.”