Future Fathers

By Staci Pace

My family, with the rest of America, celebrated Father’s Day this past Sunday. While I feel that we don’t really honor our fathers enough every day, we do make an attempt to make them feel special on Father’s Day. So, my children like yours, probably, made homemade cards expressing their appreciation of my husband. I bought and wrote in a card that I felt expressed a portion of my pride and appreciation of all that my husband does for our family. All the dads were asked to stand at church and we applauded and prayed for them. And in children’s church they spoke about fathers and cut out and decorated paper neckties.

After church, my crew and I ran home to gather our contributions to the Father’s Day feast we would partake at my parents nearby home. On the way out the door,
my hands were full and I asked my son Ethan to open the door for my daughter and me. Ethan, balancing his own armful, had a difficult time turning the doorknob, and so remarked, “Maddie, you should get that door because it’s Father’s Day.” Me, stifling a giggle, “Ethan, what does Father’s Day have to do with Maddie getting the door for you?” Ethan looked at me as if he couldn’t believe I didn’t know, “Well, I AM a future man!” I pondered this interesting fact that my son so emphatically believes should earn him favors today. Perhaps he’s planning on being the best father on the planet and knows that there is no possible way his future children could give him enough honor so we, who are in his life now, should begin the process today.

Having another funny story carefully stored in my memory banks (i.e. my notes app on my iPhone) the day continued on its merry way and so did Ethan’s pursuit of honor. While asking my mom a favor, probably having to do with some sweet confection that grandmas typically always have on hand, and holding a door open for her, Ethan thought out loud (as he often does), “Juju, I am a future father…” Here he paused for dramatic effect as my mom walked through the door to retrieve the supposed confection, and then added, “and that gets me respect…” Another dramatic pause, “but only sometimes.”

Ha! I laughed on hearing this story about how Ethan progressed from future man to future father. Apparently he realized that not all men are fathers and so he should make the distinction. I’m not sure why my son decided that being a future father should earn him respect, but I guess in a way it does. The whole idea of Ethan’s future fatherhood reminded me of John Mayer’s song “Daughters”. Here are some of the lyrics:

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break

You’ll find out how much they can take

Boys will be strong

And boys soldier on

But boys would be gone without warmth from

A woman’s good, good heart

I love this song. I agree wholeheartedly with most of it. Unfortunately I think the mentality of unbreakable men is what has played such a huge role in destroying so many families. Most boys really can’t take that much. (I have found that my sons cry far louder and longer over itty-bitty scrapes than my daughter does over substantial ones. Although I am in NO WAY suggesting we coddle or baby our sons.) The truth is that boys need far more affirmation, especially from men, than we’ve been led to believe. Too many fathers (and mothers) out there have forgotten that their sons are future fathers. While I don’t want my present attention on honoring our “future fathers” to belittle the extreme importance of the love and respect that we should pour out on our “future mothers”, I do believe that in pursuit of gender equality we have partially neglected our sons.

Our boys are the seed carriers, and for that they do need some specific and careful attention, or to keep with the theme: honor. Whatever we plant into them today is what they will harvest tomorrow. It is what they will give to the world, to their spouse, to their children. Let’s make sure the seed is good seed and that it is well maintained, so that when our son meets that special girl it will be strong seed that will produce many more just like it. Here’s to our future fathers!